Judge

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

  Wayne Dyer

Oh! See how she’s dressed up! Are you not well or something? His hairstyle is awful. Looks like you just woke up and reached office. Can’t she talk properly. I think she has gained weight. He looks like a patient. Oops! how he eats! How did she get a better role? He looks so lazy. She comes late always. Do you think he ever works? Why can’t she go to Gym?

How often you hear or use these kind of sentences? Did you feel anytime that you were treated differently because of the clothes you wear or the books you read/ or not read? Do you decide on someone else’s character or work quality, by looking at their appearance, language they speak, or the vehicles they drive?

Based on our previous experience and perception we tend to judge everything that we come across. What we see may not be the way it really exists. Our mind has its own way of interpreting what we see.

We come across many instances where same thing look different for different people. Easiest example I can find is Clothes. If two people of same age go to a shop, rarely they like the same piece of cloth. What looks great for one person, may not be an interesting piece for the other. It just won’t stop there, what you find beautiful today, may not look appealing to you after a few months. Because, your thinking would have changed.

How we judge others has a plenty of other influences than what we see. Our background, community and the location we live, thought process, frame of mind at that time , imagination, what we have heard, read, and so on. It is like viewing the world with different lenses, that vary in color, thickness, curves etc.

The real issue is… not seeing others through different lenses, but how we assume it as a reality and defend if anyone says otherwise. That’s where I find the quote by Wayne Dyer, is most relevant. We define others from the angle in which we have confined ourselves.

What a person wears, how they talk, walk, behave, what they own,
what they eat, where they work, how much they earn, how they spend or name anything related to a person, people are keen to judge based on it. Sometimes, even absence of that person can provoke guessing on why he/she is absent for that occasion and judge.

Just like we judge others, even we may get judged. But people completely ignore that aspect, while actively evaluating someone else. How fair it is to judge others with dogmatic lenses? Can we get into another person’s shoes before passing comment or judging them? Can we develop a little more kindliness towards others?

Though we try to avoid judging others, we may become victims of someone else’s judging. It’s not in our control, all we can do is to be thick-skinned during that situation and be ourselves.

Being aware of how we tend to judge others and how it may affect our understanding of others can help us to know others better and respect them as an individual.

It is good to pause for a while before we conclude on any person/situation or surrounding. Give one more thought on the possibilities of other angles to interpret the same. It may provide better insights into our thought process, may help us to clear our lenses partially. In turn, we could reduce judging others based on our perception and understand them better.

—Anitha KC