The life we keep postponing

There is a small word that occupies a surprising amount of our lives: later.

We use it without thinking too much about it. We will travel later, read the book later, call that friend later, spend more time with our parents later, start exercising later, take that course later, pursue that idea later, slow down later, and perhaps even become the person we keep imagining ourselves to be later.

There is nothing really wrong with waiting, because life has responsibilities and there are seasons when certain things genuinely have to take a back seat. There are bills to pay, deadlines to meet, children to raise, parents to care for, careers to build, and countless practical things that cannot simply be postponed because we would rather be doing something else. The problem begins when “later” becomes our default answer to almost everything that matters to us.

I often wonder how many things in life we postpone not because they are impossible today, but because we have convinced ourselves that there will always be another opportunity.

A week in hospital during the peak of COVID, filled with complete uncertainty, changed the way I looked at time and at the assumptions we make about the future.

Before that experience, I had unconsciously treated the future as something that would surely arrive, assuming that there would always be another holiday, another birthday, another family gathering, another opportunity to meet someone, another year to pursue something I had been thinking about, another time when work would be less demanding, and another weekend when I would finally have the time to do the things I had been putting aside.

I imagined the future as a long road stretching ahead of me, with plenty of time and opportunities waiting somewhere along the way. Suddenly, the certainty of that road disappeared. Plans could be cancelled overnight, things that had seemed completely ordinary became uncertain, and I understood in a very personal way how quickly circumstances could change and how little control we sometimes have over things we have always taken for granted.

That experience stayed with me, although it did not transform me into someone who lives every day as though it were the last day of her life. It simply made me a little less willing to postpone the things that genuinely matter to me, and more aware of the difference between waiting because the time is not right and waiting simply because we have become too used to saying, “I will do it someday.”

Sometimes “someday” is a practical decision because circumstances genuinely require us to wait, but sometimes it is fear disguised as practicality or perfectionism disguised as preparation. At other times, it is the belief that we need more time, more money, more confidence, more certainty, even somebody else’s approval before we can begin, or we have no idea what we are waiting for.

I have caught myself doing this with small things too. I tell myself that I will read the book when I have some quiet time, call someone when I am less busy, visit the places I want to see when life becomes easier, or explore an idea when I have enough time to do it properly.

Life is rarely postponed through one big decision. Most of the time it happens through hundreds of small decisions that seem completely reasonable at the time. One evening becomes another, one weekend becomes another, and one year becomes another, until we realise that something we once said we would do “when I have time” has been waiting for several years.

I sometimes wonder whether we have misunderstood what it means to live fully. We often imagine that not postponing life means taking a spontaneous trip, quitting a job, making a dramatic change, or saying yes to every opportunity that comes our way. Those things can certainly be part of a meaningful life, but living fully does not have to mean doing something big or extreme. It can be found in the smallest choices we make in our everyday lives.

Sometimes, not postponing life is much easier than we imagine. It can mean meeting an old friend even when your calendar is already crowded, taking an afternoon off without feeling that you need to justify it, beginning the project you have been talking about for years, telling someone that you appreciate them while they are still there to hear it, or travelling to a place you have always wanted to see even if the trip is not perfectly planned. None of these things necessarily change the course of our lives, but they can make us feel more present in the life we are already living.

I wish I could say that I have stopped postponing things, but I haven’t. I still get caught up in work, still tell myself that there will be a better time, and still have a few things on my imaginary “someday” list. The goal is not to stop postponing everything, but to notice when we are doing it and ask ourselves whether something really needs to wait or whether we are simply waiting for the perfect time.

There will always be another reason to wait a little longer, which is why we sometimes need to consciously choose “now” for ourselves, not for everything and certainly not recklessly, but for the things that genuinely matter to us and make life feel like our own.

We do not have to live as though tomorrow is uncertain every single day, because that would be exhausting in its own way. At the same time, we can live with a little more awareness that tomorrow is not something we are guaranteed to control, and there are things we can choose to do today. We can sit a little longer over coffee instead of rushing to the next thing, make room for the people we love, and permit ourselves to do something simply because it brings us joy. We can stop waiting for the perfect moment and begin.

I am still learning to ask myself this question: what in my life deserves a “now” instead of a “someday”? I am also learning that a meaningful life may not require greater achievements, more experiences, or a perfectly balanced calendar. Sometimes it simply requires us to notice the life that is already happening while we are busy planning the one we will live later, and to remind ourselves that not everything meaningful has to wait for another day.

—Anitha KC