The way

Why do we get into conflicts? We come across different kinds of problems with different people. Almost every day we face situations that make us get angry/upset/uncomfortable with people around us. It could happen with friends, neighbors, parents, spouse, children, colleagues, managers, subordinates, helpers, fellow driver on-road, and so on.

What is the reason? Are wrong or is the other person is wrong? Do we go and search for some mistakes in others to satisfy our ego? Are there any big problems? Most of the time, trivial matters get to blow up to become issues depending on our mood and the day. But why? When you know what you are saying is right, and the other person also feels that he/she is right, what may be the issue?

There could be real conflicts in some instances. However, most of the cases could get solved with a bit of thinking and patience. Let us get into the root of the problem, the way.

There is no single way of doing any work. What I think is the way for me, and what you think is the way for you. So, it is easy for us to argue about who is correct. For anything and everything, each one assumes his/her way of doing is the best. When another person defends his/her view as The way, it leads to the conflict. We forget to understand that there could be many ways to achieve the same, and the preferred path depends on various parameters.

Let us take an example. We need to go from the start to the end. Depending on the weather, distance, preference of modes of transport, types of vehicles, or the additional work that one can accomplish on the way, each person may prefer different routes. There is nothing wrong with following different paths as one can reach the destination on time. The same needs to be followed by all, only in case of a road race. Otherwise, how does it matter?

I may take the route through 4 and 5, and you may prefer 6,10, 5 if you like driving in that area. If we allow each other to choose, there will not be any issues. Once I decide that Start-4-5-End is the way, then I may insist others to follow the same and would get angry and irritated if you take any other route. 

It could be the way one eats, cooks, dress up, behaves, works, exercises, talks, smiles, or anything. If we assume a specific way to do it is the way, then we become intolerant to others. It would be to difficult to accept others if they are doing it differently.

What can we do about it? Awareness is the key. If we identify our fixed thoughts, we can try relaxing those ideas and think of other ways. It may help us to accept other people and the way they work. We can focus on the destination or the final thing to be done instead of fighting with each other on trivial matters.

Could you think of the ways which you may be holding on? How are you planning to come out of it?

—Anitha KC

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Let’s grow together to expand our horizons,
With some thoughts/quotes to ponder on the way,
The journey is the reward.